What a sad night....Christmas break is over, and I have school tomorrow. I even did my homework tonight! I really needed this break, but now I honestly cannot find a way to motivate myself to get back into school-mode. Oh man, especially after the break I had! I must admit, it was almost as good as summer, minus the cold weather part. But I definitely did more drinking than I should have, gained a few pounds, ya know the obvious. But anyways...I cannot believe its 2005! I remember in year 2000 I thought to myself, oh my god we graduate in 05! Now its here, and I am so excited yet scared to death! I finished my applications to college over break, and surprisingly raised my SAT score which releived a little stress. But now I just have to wait, and see if I get accepted. WHY do I talk about college on every xanga? Ah I literally make myself sick sometimes. Wow I really have nothing to say tonight, this is by far the shortest entry yet. Well, I have LOTS on my mind-but sadly nothing I would like to share : ) Sorry for the disapointing entry, but I guess its a nice break from my previous deep inner thought ones. haha, I love you all-Goodnight : )

Wow, Christmas break-the time when you see everyone from your past! I went out with my friend Brian Ames tonight, it was kind of awkward cause he was with all of his graduated Jesuit friends and beautiful jh girls-and of course I looked like absolute hell. So the whole time I was self-conscious and couldn’t really enjoy the company of an old buddy : ( But to make things worse an old fling from the summer walked in! It was really nice to see him-but made matters worse since him and Brian went to school together. I don't know why it was so weird, but it just was! And don’t forget-I looked like I had just rolled out of a shit hole. So of course I was not myself and just sketching out the whole night. Oh man, the thoughts I put into my head! Well anyways-I have had the BEST break so far-minus the fact that I have worked every day. But nights have been crazy fun! I got pretty drunk last night with a group of random people, and it was probably the best time I have had in months. Even a sober night w/those people probably would have been the best time I have had in a while. It's nice to "expand your horizons" every once in a while considering I have hung out w/pretty much the same group since frosh year. Not that that is a bad thing at all-I LOVE my buds! But you all get what I'm saying! Anyyywayyyys...So last night I was informed from one of my closest friends that "I am such a big slut and don't even know it”?!?!?! By me being a slut-she meant that I give guys the wrong impression by talking to them, and they take it that I am willing? I don’t know, its all so confusing, now I feel like I cant even have a decent friendly conversation w/a guy without him taking in the wrong vibes. I mean I grew up around all boys, so it is easier for me to communicate and feel comfortable around them. Believe me this is not some excuse; I know that I'm not a dirty whore! Okay I may have my scandalous moments, but is a girl really being mistaken for a slut if she has a lot of guy friends? Yes some fun INNOCENT drunk phone calls may occur-but it's strictly out of fun and not taken serious by either of us. God I feel like Carrie Bradshaw right now-yay! Minus the whole sexual experiences. Lol. But how does a girl really open up her heart? I don't know if it is just my perception on guys, or if I have such a trust issue that I am completely blind, or if I am just a big fat loser? I am actually going through that stage of....anti-single life? Or maybe it’s just my weekly mood-I can't keep up w/them anymore: ( But I mean a big part of me wants to remember high school with someone special in it. Ewe I will look at this tomorrow and probably vomit-but these are the inner thoughts of an overworked Natalie Ornelas : ) A very sleep deprived and confused me. Okay...well I am going to hit the sack-another 9-hour workday starting at 8am tomorrow! Can't f'ing wait! And please, when you all wake up at noon in your nice warm comfortable beds, have a moment of sorrow for me : ) Goodnight guys, and have a great Christmas! I love you all.

Oh my goodness I hate what adderall does to you! I rarely ever take it unless I am swamped w/homework and need a little boost. But man am I depressed now! I don't know if it’s because I just BOMBED my math test, or just hate how things are going? Ahh I hate this feeling, not even Pat Green made me smile! You know (for all you adderall poppers ) how at the beginning you feel like you are the smartest person alive and can achieve anything! Then about an hour later you are like, I'm worthless. Yeah, not even worth the boost! But anyyyyways...I really am not a depressed person. I actually lead a pretty fun life-I think? But lately I am like, wow, I think the big guy upstairs is trying to tell me something-or maybe its just this fucking adolescence stage-or the adderal. Well I say screw it all! Today I went into the student store and they had the countdown board up for seniors! 107 days! Can you believe it? I mean yeah it sounds like A LOT, but holy crap we only have 107 DAYS left in our high school career! Lets all please live it up. Wow I just sounded like the biggest faggot right there saying "live it up", but how else can I phrase the fact that we all need to make great memories out of our last year together? I still remember sophomore year having Brodes, Marisa, Amanda, Trisha, and im sure they’re some more of you- over for sleepovers! Haha! And now when I see half you guys im like, hey what’s up...? Sad what time can do to some friendships. Well, I miss you alll! And when damn cheerleading is over and you girls have lives again, we are all going out and having fun! Come on Ree, I read your comment on my last xanga! I know you can be scandalous for one night : )  Well enough of looking back on old memories, it only makes this aderall downfall worse! Haha. I really like it when you guys leave me comments, give me some feedback! Let me know if what I'm saying is absolutely pointless or if it makes some sense? Okay well I am freeeeezing and need to start some homework-oh a word i hate so much! Thaaanks so much for reading this, and I hope that my entries don't bore you guys too much! Oh and one more thing, SOMEONE needs to throw a damn New Years Party! One where EVERYONE will go! Yaay! Thanks again for listening, I love you guys!

-nat

**If you get bored I highly suggest renting The Color of Fear. If you are in senior inquiry you watched it-so interesting! Yes, this is the nerd side of me : ) And OF COURSE buy the Pat Green CD!

It's Sunday night, and I don't have school tomorrow-but I am sitting at home doing absolutely nothing! I honestly think this is the first time in the past 3 years that I have not gone out on a weekend. It actually feels kinda nice. I am sooo worn out! I worked from 1145 to 745 tonight, and all I wanna do is pass out in my bed. But I have to write a 6-page research paper on obesity, finish a math project and study for a test, finish my application to U of O, and read a 30-page paper on heart failure. Oh, and do it all tomorrow-did I mention I have work from 1-8 as well? Holy shit I almost threw up reading over that. Okay I might sound ridiculous, but I am turning into an old woman over this stuff! AHH I wish it were summer again. It was honestly the best time of my life. I have never lied to my parents or partied so much in my life. And it felt GREAT. Every day my friends and I would go to Sauvie Island-then go party at the P during the night. I went the see Kenny Chesney, Rascal Flatts, Tim McGraw, and Big and Rich with Karen and Natasha-and met one of the greatest guys of my summer there! I swear I fell in love with about 4 different guys between June and August. Is that bad? Haha. Okay I am getting depressed looking back on old memories-only because I miss them so much! This year has definitely taken a fall compared to summer. I never see my friends anymore because I have a class at Beaverton every day.  Then on my free time all I do is work! I honestly have no idea how I am passing all my classes. I mean this is senior year! There are suppose to be parties every night, everyone should be hanging out-and the people who usually don't party should be partying! I swear i'm not an alcoholic haha, but come on can you honestly tell me you have seen one movie about high school where every weekend the kids hang out at each others house watching movies and eating popcorn? NOOO! Ahh I need to escape from this reality and turn on some Pat Green. My brother just burned me his new CD "Lucky Ones". Lordy if you have not heard this I HIGHLY suggest you go buy it. Pat just makes me smile : ) Wow I just complained the whole time. I swear I will force myself to have a good time soon, and then maybe my xanga will be interesting: ) Anyone want to show me a good time? Wow my brain is in too many different places tonight to even function properly. I am now going to escape into some Pat...I love you alllll! Goodnight! : )